


Not Enough

by AlexandriaArlene



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Anger, Angst, F/M, Feels, Fights, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Rain, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-25
Updated: 2015-05-25
Packaged: 2018-04-01 04:50:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4006456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexandriaArlene/pseuds/AlexandriaArlene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm the second choice. You can't deny that anymore Barry." Caitlin said. She knew that Iris would always be the first choice but how could she continue to be with him. How could he continue to be with her when he was also the second choice. It wasn't enough for either one of them. They deserved to be with their first choice</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One: Iris

*Start Story*

Chapter 1: Iris

The rain was pouring down as Caitlin knocked on the door of Barry’s new apartment door. She listened as the rain was hitting the roof like bullets hitting metal. Her hair was plastered to her face and her skin was as cold as ice. Her entire body cold and her clothes weighing down her body with each and every second that went by. Barry opened the door looking at her face he could see just how cold she was. He pulled her into his chest as she breathed in his sent but she knew the same thing that she knew an hour ago. She wasn’t enough. This would never be enough for him. She was always just going to be the rebound girl and that was something that she didn’t want to be. Apart of her thought that he was over Iris but now she didn’t think so.

She pulled away from him slowly and he stared at her as he was waiting for her to say something. Something was wrong because she was biting her lip and there was only one time that she ever did that and that’s when she was worried about something. It was something serious and when she still wasn’t saying something as they were standing in his living room.

“I can’t do this.” Caitlin whispered. Barry knew what she meant. He knew and he didn’t understand they had been together for a little while and he believed that they were both happy.

“What can’t you do?” Barry asked but he knew the answer and it wasn’t that she couldn’t she didn’t want to. She didn’t want him and he just needed to hear her say the words. He needed to know why she couldn’t with him. Why she couldn’t love him because he didn’t believe that she didn’t love him. He knew that she did otherwise this wouldn’t be so hard for her.

“I can’t be with you. I can’t let you break my heart. I’m not enough for you. I will never be enough for you.” Caitlin replied and she felt as the tears were falling from her brown eyes on top of the water that was already on her face. 

“Why would you believe that? Why would you even think that?” Barry asked frustrated with her. He wasn’t getting straight answers he was getting these vague ones. He didn’t understand why she believed that she wasn’t good enough. She is beautiful and smart and the way that he loves her is more than he has ever been in love with anybody else. The super hero wanted to understand why in the world would Caitlin believe that she wasn’t enough for him when she was everything to her.

“I will never be enough because it will always be Iris for you. It was always her for you and I’m not her. I will never be her and I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice.” Caitlin said. She felt the anger boil inside of her. She couldn’t figure out why he even wanted to be with her when he was in love with Iris. Why did he want her when she couldn’t give him what he wanted and why did it hurt her so much for her to know that it was going to always be Iris for him. 

“Stop it. That is not true.” Barry yelled. She was irritating when she didn’t even know what she was talking about it. It was his decision and it was his feelings and she didn’t get to tell him how he felt about her about Iris. Iris was only ever going to be a sister and at one time he did want more but now it was different. It changed the first moment that he kissed Caitlin. It changed more and more each time he kissed her. From the moment he put his lips against hers he began to fall for her and neither one of them could change that he was now in love with her and he knew that she was only worried about Iris because she was in love with him to and she didn’t want to get hurt so she thought walking away was the only way to make sure that she wasn’t.

“It is true. It was true when I met you and its true now.” Caitlin yelled at him. She was so angry more at herself then at him because through it all she should have realized it sooner. She should have known were the only thoughts that kept going through her head. How could she had let herself fall in love with him when she knew that she shouldn’t? Now Caitlin was in love with him and all of this hurt and her body felt so cold and like her whole body was just aching. She wanted to feel his arms around her but she couldn’t do that knowing that he was thinking about Iris. It hurt to much to even mention her name and she didn’t like the feeling of jealousy. She didn’t like the feeling she felt in the pit of her stomach at the moment.

“Will you please just listen to me? You keep telling me that I want Iris will you let me tell you what I want? Or you going to continue to tell me that you’re not enough for me. Just stop. Stop telling me what I want.” Barry yelled. Before Caitlin could say the next thing the power went out. Everything went to the dark. She stood there in front of him and felt colder then she felt before. It was like the heat in the apartment left.

“Sit on the couch while I go get some candles and there should be a blanket on the couch.” Barry said as he left the room. She picked up the blanket and sat on the couch as she pulled her legs in against her chest so she could rest her chin on them. Barry came back into the room and began to light the candles one by one. It didn’t matter that she wanted to end this to save her heart because it didn’t save her heart. It made her feel worse about everything and she wished that she didn’t feel this pain that none of this was real but then again all of it was real. She told him that she couldn’t be his second choice she needed to be his first choice if she was going to be with him because being less made her feel like she was less. 

He lit them and she focused her eyes on the light trying to forget the pain. Trying to forget that he was in the room. The tears fell down her face slowly. Why did it have to be this way? Why couldn’t she be enough? Why was it always going to be Iris?

“Please listen to me Cait.” Barry said as he kneeled in front of her and brushed her hair out of her face. She knew that she didn’t want to hear that he does love her just not in the way that he loves Iris. She couldn’t hear those words or she would go off. 

“Fine.” 

“I want to be with you. I want you not her. I love you not her. You are more then enough. Every day I get to spend with you is amazing. Every day I get to kiss you and hold you is everything and I’m not letting you go. There is nothing you can say that will make me leave you.” Barry whispered. She looked at him and more tears poured down her face. All the pain was getting worse with every second and every moment. She wanted him but she was afraid that she messed up.

“I’m so sorry.” She whispered and he looked at her and wiped away the tears. She waited for him to say something anything. With each second it made her wonder if he was going to tell her to leave. If he was going to tell her that he didn’t want her anymore. She just wanted him to tell her that he isn’t angry for being insecure.

“You have nothing to be sorry about. I know my history with Iris isn’t an easy history to accept. I know that you don’t believe you are my first choice but you are. I wouldn’t give up what we have for anything and I don’t want you to ever feel threatened by someone else in this relationship. It’s you and me and when you have your doubts I need to you come to me no matter what. I don’t care. I need to know that you can trust me.” Barry told her. She looked down with him.

“I do trust you Barry. That’s not why I thought we should break up. I knew that you wouldn’t do anything with Iris while we are together. I just don’t want to be the reason why you guys don’t get together. I want you to be happy.” Caitlin explained.

“I want to be with you and you aren’t holding me back.” Barry replied and leaned upwards and brought her face towards his until their lips touched. It started off slow but then he leaned further into the couch so he could have better access. He stood up in front of her.

“You must be freezing.” Barry said and she nodded her head as he pulled her from the couch. He wrapped an arm around her and led her to his room. He slowly went to his dresser and pulled her out one of his button up shirts. And gave it to her. He turned around as she pulled it on and when he turned around all he wanted was her but they both agreed that they needed to take this relationship slow. Nothing about them could be rushed especially since both of them were being cautious about their hearts.

“You look gorgeous.” He whispered and that brought heat to her cheeks and caused her to smile. She was falling in love with him and he was with her. He pulled her towards him as he sat on his bed.

“We don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do but I want you to stay even if it’s just I get to hold you in my arms.” Barry said. Caitlin was happy at the thought that he didn’t care if she slept with him. He just wanted to be with her. 

“Okay but I don’t want to do the anything else yet. I do want to be with you like that but I still want to take it slow because I don’t want to mess any of this up.” Caitlin said. Barry smiled at her. He knew that she was the one he wanted because she cared about how fast everything went. He pulled her onto the bed with him and pulled her body against his. Her skin felt cold against his skin. This is what it felt to be with someone he truly loved. Iris was one-sided relationship. He loved her but she would never return those feelings but soon they went away with each and every moment that Caitlin was around him.

Caitlin was starting to feel that as her eyes drifted to sleep she knew she was happy with him and happy that he didn’t let her walk way. That he loved her enough to tell her that she was being ridiculous instead of letting her walk out of the door making her feel like that she was enough.


	2. Chapter 2: Ronnie

Chapter Two: Ronnie

It had been three months since Caitlin believed that there was something going on with Barry and Iris. From the night she didn’t feel threatened by Iris anymore. Caitlin stood there standing in a parking garage and there stood Ronnie standing in front of her. He looked like he did months ago when he told her to stay away from him. It has almost been a year since he told her to stay away from him and it took her awhile to get passed that but now he stood in front of her. A part of her was angry with him. She was angry that he was here in the parking lot after he told her to stay away from him.

“Ronnie.” Caitlin said as she looked at him. He was different he didn’t look like the man that she was fell in love with. He looked sad and like he hadn’t slept in weeks but she didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to talk to him. Apart of her just wanted to get in the car and drive off but she decided that it would probably be best to at least hear what he had to say.

“Cait, I know I told you to stay away but I can’t anymore. I want to be with you but right now it’s too dangerous.” Ronnie said. She didn’t care what he wanted what about what she wanted. What about who she wanted to be with.

“No.” Caitlin replied as she leaned against her car looking at him she saw the man that she loved for a couple of years but it was different now. She cared about him but she didn’t love him not in the way that she used to. 

“No?” Ronnie repeated.

“Yes no. I’m not waiting for you anymore. I’m not pretending that you are coming back because you made it clear that’s what you didn’t want. You don’t want me and I have finally moved on. I’m not going back to you.” Caitlin muttered.

“Okay. But why?” Ronnie asked.

“Because you told me to stay away. I had two choices to sit around and wait forever or to move on. You weren’t dead and when you were dead it was easier to just never wanting to be with anyone else because you died when I still loved you. But when you were alive it gave me what I needed to move on because if you didn’t want me anymore it must have meant that you no longer loved me. That you no longer love me. You don’t get to show up all of a sudden and pretend that you love me. Just go. I don’t want to see you and I don’t want to talk to you.” Caitlin replied.

“Caitlin, please don’t walk away.” Ronnie replied.

“I have to. All you’re ever going to do is hurt me and I have let you hurt me to many times so please leave me alone this time.” Caitlin whispered as tears fell down her face. It hurt too much to know that he didn’t want her and didn’t love her. 

“Please Caitlin. I want to be with you.” Ronnie said but that didn’t change anything how could it when he was always going to be the person that never cared about what she wanted.

“What about what I want? I have waited and I’m done. I’m finally happy now let me be happy. “Caitlin yelled at him. He looked at her with hurt and like she had just slapped him but how was she supposed to say what he wanted to hear when she didn’t feel it. “Just go Ronnie.” He left her standing there and she did the only thing that she could she got in the car and drove to work.

When she got there they were looking for a mega human that could walk through walls. She sat down and started trying to help find them. Barry took off after the person they were looking for leaving her with her thoughts. She looked at Cisco and apart of her wanted to tell him that she saw Ronnie. That he thought that he could just come back and she would be in her arms again. He had so many chances before she had even thought about giving into her feelings for Barry but it was different now. She is in love with Barry and that wasn’t going to change just because Ronnie all of the sudden decided that he made a mistake that he couldn’t live with because she could live with it. What she couldn’t live with is deciding against being with Barry because Ronnie decided that he wanted her again. She didn’t want that and she wasn’t going to do that. She wasn’t going to be with Ronnie because she cared about him. She didn’t want to hurt him in the same way that he had hurt her.

“What’s wrong?” Cisco asked.

“I saw Ronnie and he said that he wanted me and I told him no. I hurt him and now I have to live with hurting him.” Caitlin said as the tears fell down her face. With everything that has happened between them she felt guilty. She didn’t regret choosing Barry but she regretted not getting in the car the moment that she saw him. She should have just left but she didn’t. How in the world was she supposed to explain that to Barry but Barry was listening? She left the lab to go to her apartment because she couldn’t be there anymore. She went back to her apartment and removed her heels as she walked through her front door. 

A couple hours later there was a knock at the front door. She knew who it was and she walked and opened it. She needed to tell him what happened because she didn’t want to lie about it.

“I know Caitlin. I overheard you talking to Cisco.” Barry said. That made her angry because he was listening to a private conversation. A conversation that wasn’t meant for anyone else.

“That was a private conversation.” Caitlin yelled. 

“Well maybe you should have had it somewhere more private.” Barry yelled.

“Maybe you shouldn’t listen in on conversations that aren’t meant for you to hear.” Caitlin yelled back on him.

“Do regret being with me?” Barry yelled. She was looking at him and realizing how could he even believe that. How could he question her about it when she chose to be with him.

“No. How could you even ask me that? Did I say yes to Ronnie? No.” Caitlin yelled back at him. When was he going to get it? She cares about Ronnie that will never go away but she was in love with him. Ronnie didn’t stand a chance anymore and she wished that he could understand that. Understand that she is in love with him not Ronnie.

“Then why didn’t you tell me the second that you got to star labs this morning?” Barry yelled still angry.

“Did you ever think that maybe I was in shock? That maybe I had just seen someone that I thought I would never see again?” Caitlin yelled back at him.

“Why didn’t you say yes to him? Why? You love him.” Barry yelled but you could hear the bitterness in his voice. 

“Because I love you. You idiot.” Caitlin yelled. Barry couldn’t find anything to say all he wanted to do was kiss her. He went across the room and pulled her body towards him letting their lips touch. He pulled her in and his arms as hers went around his neck. She didn’t want to let go of him. He pulled away sliding his hands up her sides and onto her cheeks.

“I love you to. I just don’t want you to regret any of what happens between the two of us. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me.” Barry replied.

“I know I can come to you. You are one of the only people I know that I can count on no matter what. I just want you.” Caitlin replied. She ran her fingertips down the side of his cheeks before he pulled her against him and lifted her into his arms. Neither one of them were going to hold back this time. This time they weren’t going to stop because both of them admitted that they wanted to be together forever how long it lasted it wasn’t going to end this time.

He picked her up so her legs were around his waist and he lowered both of them onto the bed that she didn’t even remember how she got there. He wanted her but he needed to know that she wanted this to.

“Do you want to do this?” Barry asked. 

“Yes.”

That was all he needed to know before soon her clothes were on the floor and so were his. This is what the both of them had chosen and they didn’t regret a single second of any of it. It’s what brought them closer than anything almost as close as when she told him that she is in love with him.


End file.
